The adventures of Pawe and Bokamoso

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

- Marcel Proust

Paballo is no superwoman – Financial difficulties

Longing for someone's life, which looks more glamorous that yours.

Sometimes in life we experience moments where we feel like our lives are a child’s play, especially when comparing it to that of a peer, which looks like an even better achievement than what we have achieved. We feel like giving it all up and let life be, but how realistic is that? Not a good reality, unless if we have banks full of money or won the lottery. It will remain quite a big fantasy.

As someone who has had some kind of financial difficulties, I wake up at times and wish every struggle was just a bad dream I could simply wake up from and bypass.  The reality is that, I can’t satisfy most of my financial needs because they are a lot! I’ve actually had a list of things planned to be achieved by the end of this year but the more the months pass, new things emerge and the more I postpone.  I really am no superwoman to achieve everything by the planned time. It sucks big time!

The one thing that I can say I am proud of though, is that I have registered with UNISA and I am registering for my other subjects this semester. Truth be told, I was about to give up on the studies. The money is too much and the pressure I have been under has left me with little hope. I thought I had failed but actually passed. This is the wake-up call I needed, to realise that it wasn’t a waste of time but an investment. I have put a lot of things on hold that would make my life a lot more fun and stress less, like buying clothes, doing my hair, going out and renovating my bedroom. I guess these things can wait, the struggle shall continue, I’ll continue with the studies and carry on saving for the “to-achieve list” especially for that R6999 canon camera that I want badly! #Sigh Paballo is no Oprah Winfrey with a money tree.

I need this baby!

Paballo is no Superwoman – I was defeated

No Superwoman!

I have recently been through a serious introspection and I realised that I do not possess the power of a superwoman. I can’t achieve everything at once, I am no Oprah Winfrey with a money tree and i fall under a group of people who have to put in extra effort to get what they want. There is so much going on in my life at the moment and the pressure is escalating. 

I have been sent to do a course in Digital Marketing. I was happy to have been given an opportunity to elevate my island of knowledge with regards to my daily duties at work. I was really excited and loved that after every session I understood more than what I heard about it. It was the new thing that I so badly wanted to do and understand. Of course after the training, one’s knowledge needs to be tested and so I wrote the exam. It didn’t turn out as I envisioned it to be. The funny part is that I dreamt that I failed the test a week before I got the results and when I got them, I had really failed. So I thought to myself, “Bad dreams do come true too.”

I opened that email and the fail was written in red. I was disappointed I won’t lie and I still am. I told my HOD and he said to me, “Sometimes you need to taste the bad apple to know how a good apple tastes like.” That is true but at that moment my heart wanted to change those results, I didn’t want to taste that apple, it was too bitter for my liking. I needed some sort of celebration in my life especially this year but I couldn’t, not yet that is. It felt like a slap on the face, everyone knew I went on this course and now everyone will know what I failure I am. I am really disappointed. 

Good & bad apple

So, Paballo Seipei is no superwoman after all. This is what I concluded as I was sitting at home, torturing myself with thoughts of self-pity and disappointment. There are reasons why I failed and thank God there’s a second chance, otherwise I would be miserable for days. Now that I know what a bad apple tastes like, I don’t have any desire to taste it again. I hope and pray that whatever I am preparing for will turn out exactly as I expect it to. Maybe I needed to taste that apple to realise that I am really no superwoman, just a human who experiences certain life lessons, failure being one of them.

Opsy Coucchy - Beauty

Beauty

Beauty
Blonde hairs, blue eyes and bell shaped body
Is that what you call beauty?
Brown eyes, braided hairs and skinny body
Is that what you prefer?
Wait! Are these real beauties or just some burning youthful lust?
Sit and learn from the elders who have seen it all
Real Beauty transcends the physical
Real Beauty is rhetorical
Real Beauty corrodes like a chemical
Real Beauty eludes every racial barrier
It is that which makes you wonder
How sweet and splendid are you Beauty?

Opsy Coucchy

Esau and Jacob

I had a chat with my colleague the other day about the bible, specifically about the stories in the Old Testament. I was hooked by the manner in which she told these stories. It felt like she was talking about a story book that was read to me during my early childhood days.



Tessa Skerbinek (The story teller )and I (The listener)



 

Well, the conversation started when she asked me how Esau was pronounced, looking at a picture of someone with that name. Trying to come up with different pronunciations, she then asked me if I knew who Esau was in the bible. I thought hard and I had no idea who he was but she started telling the story anyway. She is such an appetizer, I couldn’t wait to get home and read it myself. I just learned that I didn’t know much about the bible and its stories. So, I read it that exact night.

 

Here’s what I know in a nutshell: Esau was a twin brother of Jacob. When their mother Rebekah was pregnant, God told her that the sons in her womb will become two nations. “From the beginning, the two nations will be rivals. One nation will be stronger than the other, and your older son will serve your younger son.”

Jacob grasping Esau's heel

When the twins were born, Esau was very red and hairy. His twin, Jacob was born with his hand grasping Esau’s heel. Isaac their father loved Esau and Rebekah loved Jacob. As time went by, Isaac became an old man and was turning blind. He called Esau and asked him to go hunting and then

prepare him his favourite meal. He wanted to give him blessings and Rebekah overheard the conversation.

 

Jacob and Esau

 

 

 

Rebekah then told Jacob what she had heard. So, she prepared Isaac’s favourite meal while Esau went hunting. She then gave Jacob Esau’s favourite clothes to wear. She covered his arms and neck with a skin of young goats. Jacob then took the food to his father. Isaac asked who it was and Jacob said he was Esau, but Isaac was a bit sceptical. He then asked him to come closer to feel him. Isaac said, “The voice is Jacob’s but the hands are Esau’s,” he continued to ask, “Are you really my son Esau?” Jacob replied, “Yes, I am.” As his last resort, Isaac asked his son to kiss him and Jacob did. He smelled like Esau and his father described the smell as “the smell of the outdoors.” He was finally convinced and blessed him.              

The story goes on and I can’t write everything I read. So, this is an opportunity for you to read it yourself, who knows, you might like it. I know I did...

A story is nice when it is told by someone else. Tessa had me appetized and I kind of enjoyed reading the story to myself. I remember telling her that kids would love bible stories if they were told as she did. From what I have read, I realised that stories in the Old Testament are very nice. We can relate to them as they were real life stories. I’m going to read another one tonightJ.

Family outing at Hlogi's school

Me and my babies! Hlogi & Bokkie
 

We went to a family fun day/ concert at Hlogi’s school on Saturday. I can’t explain how much fun I had at the school with my boys and sisi! As a mom and aunt I’m proud that I am as active as these little buddies of mine are. Well, not that active but I try. They really enjoy playing with me, mainly because I try to be on the same pace as theirs but my body is sore now, I can’t keep up with their stamina. I just like that when I play with them, a part of them feels like I am a friend and I really don’t mind. I benefit from it. It is an exercise for me.

My sisi, Bokkie and I. Picture taken by Hlogi

Family day proved to be very important to me because it brought back so many childhood memories. It is a special day to many children. It is a day that proves to them how committed a family is in their life. They know from then if they have a strong support system or if they don’t. There is nothing as sad as a family not pitching to any day when it is required to. I remember during my childhood days, if my family never came when they were required to, I would feel very disappointed. I would feel like they never cared for me or that they just didn’t see anything I do at school as important. I wondered and asked myself questions, one of them being: “how the hell could other families make time when my family could not.” It really bothered me and I can imagine what other kids go through when they are disappointed by their families.



You know the "peace pose" is the way to go



I understood from then how important a family’s presence is for Hlogi and how it is going to be for Bokkie when he goes to school. A child is a very sensitive being, his success and achievements are built on a family’s support. From what I saw on Saturday, I realised that the little things in life are very big to children. They need our support to build that confidence in them. If a family is not there to cheer for their child while playing a sport, who do they think should cheer on their behalf? These are the questions I asked myself. I could only imagine how sad and disappointed Hlogi would be if we didn’t go with him to his school.

In life, children will decide what they want when they are old enough to make those decisions. However, when they are young they expect a push in the right direction and that is what family is for. I don’t really have a conclusion but the choice lies on parents and how they would like to see their children grow. While we decide, we must take in to consideration that a child’s spirit can be broken by the little things that parents take for granted. Support is important.

Hlogi and Lebo in a baking contest! 

        
                                                      Chef ala Hlogi


















Chef ala Bokkie

We can never have the ultimate satisfaction

I was watching the movie Jerusalem last night. I must say, it is my favourite South African movie. I just can't get enough of it. The script is beautifully written and touches on the real issues of life. As I was watching the movie, there's a scene where a white lady is looking for her drug addicted brother who was with a Nigerian drug lord in Hillbrow. Now, Hillbrow is one of the dangerous places in Joburg. It is the “Gangster’s paradise”.

This guy looks like he has everything at home but keeps going to Hillbrow, where his “Happiness” seems to lie. He gets high on drugs and gets missing, leaving the family especially the sister with stress. He was then taken back by Lucky, the main character of the movie. I was captured by the lady's response to Lucky's question when he asked, "What's wrong with you white people? You live in big houses....and, and, and" I can't remember all that he said but the lady answered, "I guess when you rich, poverty becomes glamorous."

The reality clock stopped for a bit. I had to think long and hard over what that lady meant. I was really moved by her response. I mean there's no better way of explaining what she said, it is definitely on point. She meant exactly what most people feel on their everyday life! I sometimes do too. We look at our lives and we are never satisfied.

We can never be fulfilled by what we have. Everything that we are not in possession of becomes glamorous. It might be a “better” car, house, job,  someone's significant other....if we don't have it we see it as glamorous, something that we would like for ourselves.

What I concluded with though is that in life we can have all the money in the world but remain unsatisfied. It is not because we are not blessed or that we can't have everything we want. It is rather because; life doesn't have the ultimate satisfaction. The rich look at the poor and they see what the poor don't, which can be 'satisfactory' to them. The same goes for the poor, they yearn to have a share of that richness in their lives and they think it will make them happier than they are. Satisfaction at the end of it all will never fulfilled.