The adventures of Pawe and Bokamoso

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

- Marcel Proust

Paballo is no superwoman – Financial difficulties

Longing for someone's life, which looks more glamorous that yours.

Sometimes in life we experience moments where we feel like our lives are a child’s play, especially when comparing it to that of a peer, which looks like an even better achievement than what we have achieved. We feel like giving it all up and let life be, but how realistic is that? Not a good reality, unless if we have banks full of money or won the lottery. It will remain quite a big fantasy.

As someone who has had some kind of financial difficulties, I wake up at times and wish every struggle was just a bad dream I could simply wake up from and bypass.  The reality is that, I can’t satisfy most of my financial needs because they are a lot! I’ve actually had a list of things planned to be achieved by the end of this year but the more the months pass, new things emerge and the more I postpone.  I really am no superwoman to achieve everything by the planned time. It sucks big time!

The one thing that I can say I am proud of though, is that I have registered with UNISA and I am registering for my other subjects this semester. Truth be told, I was about to give up on the studies. The money is too much and the pressure I have been under has left me with little hope. I thought I had failed but actually passed. This is the wake-up call I needed, to realise that it wasn’t a waste of time but an investment. I have put a lot of things on hold that would make my life a lot more fun and stress less, like buying clothes, doing my hair, going out and renovating my bedroom. I guess these things can wait, the struggle shall continue, I’ll continue with the studies and carry on saving for the “to-achieve list” especially for that R6999 canon camera that I want badly! #Sigh Paballo is no Oprah Winfrey with a money tree.

I need this baby!

Paballo is no Superwoman – I was defeated

No Superwoman!

I have recently been through a serious introspection and I realised that I do not possess the power of a superwoman. I can’t achieve everything at once, I am no Oprah Winfrey with a money tree and i fall under a group of people who have to put in extra effort to get what they want. There is so much going on in my life at the moment and the pressure is escalating. 

I have been sent to do a course in Digital Marketing. I was happy to have been given an opportunity to elevate my island of knowledge with regards to my daily duties at work. I was really excited and loved that after every session I understood more than what I heard about it. It was the new thing that I so badly wanted to do and understand. Of course after the training, one’s knowledge needs to be tested and so I wrote the exam. It didn’t turn out as I envisioned it to be. The funny part is that I dreamt that I failed the test a week before I got the results and when I got them, I had really failed. So I thought to myself, “Bad dreams do come true too.”

I opened that email and the fail was written in red. I was disappointed I won’t lie and I still am. I told my HOD and he said to me, “Sometimes you need to taste the bad apple to know how a good apple tastes like.” That is true but at that moment my heart wanted to change those results, I didn’t want to taste that apple, it was too bitter for my liking. I needed some sort of celebration in my life especially this year but I couldn’t, not yet that is. It felt like a slap on the face, everyone knew I went on this course and now everyone will know what I failure I am. I am really disappointed. 

Good & bad apple

So, Paballo Seipei is no superwoman after all. This is what I concluded as I was sitting at home, torturing myself with thoughts of self-pity and disappointment. There are reasons why I failed and thank God there’s a second chance, otherwise I would be miserable for days. Now that I know what a bad apple tastes like, I don’t have any desire to taste it again. I hope and pray that whatever I am preparing for will turn out exactly as I expect it to. Maybe I needed to taste that apple to realise that I am really no superwoman, just a human who experiences certain life lessons, failure being one of them.