Men issues!

“Black men could learn a lot from white men....family values, respect & love for their women, growth & commitment. Ya'll are still in the dark hey. #shame”

This is the status I had on Facebook. Boy it coursed a stir. I've opened a can of worms with it. However, I will never take back what I said because I wrote that status based on an experience and a status on Facebook that triggered my mind. This guy, black guy said, “Never try to impress a woman because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life!!!” I thought to myself, wow this is what normally happens in most of our relationships. A guy will make an impression, call you every day, send you sms’s, tell you he loves you and be there for you whenever you need him to….That is until he finally gets you as his girlfriend and then forgets about doing what he used to do before he got you. I’ve had that experience and he said, “Why must I call you every day?” the same guy who used to call three to four times a day when he wanted me. “Why should I tell you I love you, can’t you see I do?” he asked. The same guy, who really boasted about not being shy to tell his girl; he loves her unlike ‘these’ other guys. 

I expected the ladies to like that status because most of them know what I am talking about and I thought, the men who have a guilty conscience will comment and make it a racial issue and they did. I wasn’t talking about the history behind the black and white people but I was talking about what I have witnessed. These are the stories I have come across with my fellow African men:

Take a man with old kids, has been married for over 20 years and is respected by the community, mostly because he is a preacher of the word of God. He goes after young women at his church, and claims to be in love with them, then uses God’s word to his advantage by saying, “God said we should love one another. Therefore I love you” The same guy wants these things to be done underground, ”Please delete our chats.” He even gets very furious when any of the girls asks about his wife, something like. “Why do you want to do this to your wife?” He’ll answer, “Keep my wife out of this and don’t say anything to her.” 

Is this respect and love for his wife?

“We have a bright future together, I want to share it with no one but you.  We will raise our kids together with love, loyalty and respect. I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he claimed. Next thing you know, he had a baby with her and then denied to ever been in contact with a “slut” like her. After some time, he came back with money for an abortion. Took her to lunch, then said, “I can’t have this baby. I have a future to focus on. I hope you understand.” The same guy who promised to share a future with her.

Is this commitment and family value?

This guy, proposed to this lady. He promised to be there for her, stay faithful, run his family like a real man should and vowed that he will never cheat on her, like ‘these other selfish guys do’, he said. This guy after having a wedding of which he even wrote his own vows, and claimed, “I will never do you any wrong.” He then went after a younger lady he saw at their work’s Christmas party and wanted them to have a naughty thing going on. “I gave my wife marriage. Now it’s time to play” After doing those vows, he does the complete opposite of what he said he’ll do. "I am an MBA" (Married but Available) he'd tell young girls.

Do we call this respect and love for his woman?

This guy has been together with this lady since she was in high school. He was like the first official boyfriend and their love grew stronger. The lady avoided any fights, took the blame for his wrong doings and never tried to make him angry. She saw pictures of his ex on his phone. They took pictures together and she was searching for them. She never said anything. The guy then started a habit of not replying to her sms’s, her calls would be returned the following day. He would go to places and have fun with other women and his group of friends. She would always be left home. She was never introduced to any of his friends or family members. One day, she saw his chats and pictures of other women on his phone and laptop. He justified by saying, “you were not there when I was with the guys and they had women with them. I had to have someone” He then kept on denying most of the things he did to her.

Is this growth or set back in a relationship?

This was a good man to this lady. He did everything for her. Cleaned, transported her, cooked and showed love to her kids. There was no day when he didn’t tell her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. He was always around and very supportive. The only problem about him was that, he had a wife and kids at home, went to the city for a job and the job was the girlfriend he stayed with. She gave him money and found him a job.  A few months later of this love affair, the lady lost her job and the guy faded into thin air. Everything about him came out. He didn't love her, he loved her money.

Is this the man we want?

The list is endless… 

Don’t get me wrong fellow African men. I wasn’t saying white men are better than ya’ll. I just said you can learn a thing a two from them. I have seen committed white guys, who sacrifice a lot for their families and I’m not saying they don’t cheat or do wrong. They do, they are human after all but they value family very much which is what is important to me. I’m not dating a white guy, I am with a black man who has made mistakes and is learning from them. He is not perfect but values family that is important. Do not politicize this. It’s my opinion, deal with it.

Paballo's deal with it face

An incomplete mission

I rushed to the streets this other gloomy day to complete a mission. People looked at me in an unusual matter and it didn't bother me that much. I was off to complete a mission and I concluded in my mind that the expression on my face said it all. I didn't have to explain myself to them. That mission made me walk as fast as a mother rushing to check what was bothering her child who gave a cry of terror. I was rolling, my hands itchy. “If only I could get there on time,” I said.

This mission I had was not prepared for, but hell I was going and no one would stop me. That nasty look on those women at the street were never that offensive, they never knew what was on mind… “Fuck! Let them judge me, I don’t care. I have been in this route before and this time I will get the desired results.”

“Hella ngwanyana!” It might have been the third time hearing this woman say these words but the last time was very hash, it did capture my attention after all. Politely I turned to her and asked, “Is there anything I can do for you mama?” Looking like a helpless mother, longing to see her son who left twenty years ago to buy bread she said to me, “Why are walking these streets half naked?”

My silence became so loud I looked deep in the eyes of this woman and started trembling. My eyes holding tears as though I was balancing water in my hand, hoping that I’d reach home to quench the thirst of my ill mother in her death bed. It was then that I realised how angry I was. Reality whispered in my ears and said, “Your mission was to murder him. Are you sure you still want to continue with it?” Still looking at this woman, I was lost for words and broke the silence by saying, “Oh my God…I have reached the point of insanity.”

How could I have left home half naked? What happened to the shy girl who never even liked the presence of her mother while bathing? “Holy Mother of God I really am going crazy!” Scared to look at myself to witness this half naked body that left the house to complete a mission, a mission that almost confirmed my insanity. I moved my stilled eyes to the street and people like me were surprised, waiting for some kind of drama. My tears rushed down my cheeks. I looked down in shame and I turned to the woman who stood there in wonder, anticipating my next move. I gave her a hug and said, “Thank you.”

Walking back home, my betrayal mind tortured me with questions that I couldn’t answer. “He cheated on you, so what? Are you crazy?” “No,” I answered, “I am just a damsel in distress, waiting for someone to take my anger away. Insanity was not part of the mission. ”

(Not a true story)

Mama’s Birthday!

Mama Seipei with Bokamoso & Hlogi...lol, Bokkie's face is so rearranged!

Yesterday was my mama’s birthday. I was supposed to post this blog on her special day but due to technical difficulties, I was unable to. Today is still fine right? It is times like these where the “Belated” word finds substance. It is of course her belated birthday.

Mama always holds a baby in her arms

My mama turned 58! Wow, I can’t believe she is two years closer to 60. It’s amazing how time flies when…well I can’t really say when we having fun. She is getting old, so let me just say, time flies when one’s birthday reminds us of how much time really travels. This leads to some sort of reminder, “the clock is ticking.” This is the time when every moment should be cherished.

Babies love her.

Writing this blog, I was searching for my mama’s pictures and I realised I didn’t have as many as I should really have. I like taking pictures but hers are missing for some reason. This is a call for action, “take her pictures while you still can.” She needs a lot of pampering, she has been sick most of her life and a little photo shoot for her will be cool…I hope! A beautiful heart she is, she can only appreciate it with her famous word of expression, “Bathong…” I am trying to write it as slowly as she would normally say it but I’m defeated lol.

The woman who gave birth to Paballo Seipei, is very special not only to me but to most of the people who know her. On this day I just want to wish her a belated birthday. Her special day was blessed, we spent it with family and friends. She was delighted although she was too hard to read. Her illness is taking most of her emotions away but she ate her birthday cake and I can say that, that was what we were all waiting for.

 I appreciate her kindness in bringing me to this world and her courage to providing me with the necessary things I needed in life. My love for her grows each day. I’ll post her photo shoot pictures when she feels better. Happy belated birthday once again. I love my mama! 

The adventures of Pawe and Bokamoso

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

- Marcel Proust

Paballo is no superwoman – Financial difficulties

Longing for someone's life, which looks more glamorous that yours.

Sometimes in life we experience moments where we feel like our lives are a child’s play, especially when comparing it to that of a peer, which looks like an even better achievement than what we have achieved. We feel like giving it all up and let life be, but how realistic is that? Not a good reality, unless if we have banks full of money or won the lottery. It will remain quite a big fantasy.

As someone who has had some kind of financial difficulties, I wake up at times and wish every struggle was just a bad dream I could simply wake up from and bypass.  The reality is that, I can’t satisfy most of my financial needs because they are a lot! I’ve actually had a list of things planned to be achieved by the end of this year but the more the months pass, new things emerge and the more I postpone.  I really am no superwoman to achieve everything by the planned time. It sucks big time!

The one thing that I can say I am proud of though, is that I have registered with UNISA and I am registering for my other subjects this semester. Truth be told, I was about to give up on the studies. The money is too much and the pressure I have been under has left me with little hope. I thought I had failed but actually passed. This is the wake-up call I needed, to realise that it wasn’t a waste of time but an investment. I have put a lot of things on hold that would make my life a lot more fun and stress less, like buying clothes, doing my hair, going out and renovating my bedroom. I guess these things can wait, the struggle shall continue, I’ll continue with the studies and carry on saving for the “to-achieve list” especially for that R6999 canon camera that I want badly! #Sigh Paballo is no Oprah Winfrey with a money tree.

I need this baby!

Paballo is no Superwoman – I was defeated

No Superwoman!

I have recently been through a serious introspection and I realised that I do not possess the power of a superwoman. I can’t achieve everything at once, I am no Oprah Winfrey with a money tree and i fall under a group of people who have to put in extra effort to get what they want. There is so much going on in my life at the moment and the pressure is escalating. 

I have been sent to do a course in Digital Marketing. I was happy to have been given an opportunity to elevate my island of knowledge with regards to my daily duties at work. I was really excited and loved that after every session I understood more than what I heard about it. It was the new thing that I so badly wanted to do and understand. Of course after the training, one’s knowledge needs to be tested and so I wrote the exam. It didn’t turn out as I envisioned it to be. The funny part is that I dreamt that I failed the test a week before I got the results and when I got them, I had really failed. So I thought to myself, “Bad dreams do come true too.”

I opened that email and the fail was written in red. I was disappointed I won’t lie and I still am. I told my HOD and he said to me, “Sometimes you need to taste the bad apple to know how a good apple tastes like.” That is true but at that moment my heart wanted to change those results, I didn’t want to taste that apple, it was too bitter for my liking. I needed some sort of celebration in my life especially this year but I couldn’t, not yet that is. It felt like a slap on the face, everyone knew I went on this course and now everyone will know what I failure I am. I am really disappointed. 

Good & bad apple

So, Paballo Seipei is no superwoman after all. This is what I concluded as I was sitting at home, torturing myself with thoughts of self-pity and disappointment. There are reasons why I failed and thank God there’s a second chance, otherwise I would be miserable for days. Now that I know what a bad apple tastes like, I don’t have any desire to taste it again. I hope and pray that whatever I am preparing for will turn out exactly as I expect it to. Maybe I needed to taste that apple to realise that I am really no superwoman, just a human who experiences certain life lessons, failure being one of them.

Opsy Coucchy - Beauty

Beauty

Beauty
Blonde hairs, blue eyes and bell shaped body
Is that what you call beauty?
Brown eyes, braided hairs and skinny body
Is that what you prefer?
Wait! Are these real beauties or just some burning youthful lust?
Sit and learn from the elders who have seen it all
Real Beauty transcends the physical
Real Beauty is rhetorical
Real Beauty corrodes like a chemical
Real Beauty eludes every racial barrier
It is that which makes you wonder
How sweet and splendid are you Beauty?

Opsy Coucchy

Esau and Jacob

I had a chat with my colleague the other day about the bible, specifically about the stories in the Old Testament. I was hooked by the manner in which she told these stories. It felt like she was talking about a story book that was read to me during my early childhood days.



Tessa Skerbinek (The story teller )and I (The listener)



 

Well, the conversation started when she asked me how Esau was pronounced, looking at a picture of someone with that name. Trying to come up with different pronunciations, she then asked me if I knew who Esau was in the bible. I thought hard and I had no idea who he was but she started telling the story anyway. She is such an appetizer, I couldn’t wait to get home and read it myself. I just learned that I didn’t know much about the bible and its stories. So, I read it that exact night.

 

Here’s what I know in a nutshell: Esau was a twin brother of Jacob. When their mother Rebekah was pregnant, God told her that the sons in her womb will become two nations. “From the beginning, the two nations will be rivals. One nation will be stronger than the other, and your older son will serve your younger son.”

Jacob grasping Esau's heel

When the twins were born, Esau was very red and hairy. His twin, Jacob was born with his hand grasping Esau’s heel. Isaac their father loved Esau and Rebekah loved Jacob. As time went by, Isaac became an old man and was turning blind. He called Esau and asked him to go hunting and then

prepare him his favourite meal. He wanted to give him blessings and Rebekah overheard the conversation.

 

Jacob and Esau

 

 

 

Rebekah then told Jacob what she had heard. So, she prepared Isaac’s favourite meal while Esau went hunting. She then gave Jacob Esau’s favourite clothes to wear. She covered his arms and neck with a skin of young goats. Jacob then took the food to his father. Isaac asked who it was and Jacob said he was Esau, but Isaac was a bit sceptical. He then asked him to come closer to feel him. Isaac said, “The voice is Jacob’s but the hands are Esau’s,” he continued to ask, “Are you really my son Esau?” Jacob replied, “Yes, I am.” As his last resort, Isaac asked his son to kiss him and Jacob did. He smelled like Esau and his father described the smell as “the smell of the outdoors.” He was finally convinced and blessed him.              

The story goes on and I can’t write everything I read. So, this is an opportunity for you to read it yourself, who knows, you might like it. I know I did...

A story is nice when it is told by someone else. Tessa had me appetized and I kind of enjoyed reading the story to myself. I remember telling her that kids would love bible stories if they were told as she did. From what I have read, I realised that stories in the Old Testament are very nice. We can relate to them as they were real life stories. I’m going to read another one tonightJ.

Family outing at Hlogi's school

Me and my babies! Hlogi & Bokkie
 

We went to a family fun day/ concert at Hlogi’s school on Saturday. I can’t explain how much fun I had at the school with my boys and sisi! As a mom and aunt I’m proud that I am as active as these little buddies of mine are. Well, not that active but I try. They really enjoy playing with me, mainly because I try to be on the same pace as theirs but my body is sore now, I can’t keep up with their stamina. I just like that when I play with them, a part of them feels like I am a friend and I really don’t mind. I benefit from it. It is an exercise for me.

My sisi, Bokkie and I. Picture taken by Hlogi

Family day proved to be very important to me because it brought back so many childhood memories. It is a special day to many children. It is a day that proves to them how committed a family is in their life. They know from then if they have a strong support system or if they don’t. There is nothing as sad as a family not pitching to any day when it is required to. I remember during my childhood days, if my family never came when they were required to, I would feel very disappointed. I would feel like they never cared for me or that they just didn’t see anything I do at school as important. I wondered and asked myself questions, one of them being: “how the hell could other families make time when my family could not.” It really bothered me and I can imagine what other kids go through when they are disappointed by their families.



You know the "peace pose" is the way to go



I understood from then how important a family’s presence is for Hlogi and how it is going to be for Bokkie when he goes to school. A child is a very sensitive being, his success and achievements are built on a family’s support. From what I saw on Saturday, I realised that the little things in life are very big to children. They need our support to build that confidence in them. If a family is not there to cheer for their child while playing a sport, who do they think should cheer on their behalf? These are the questions I asked myself. I could only imagine how sad and disappointed Hlogi would be if we didn’t go with him to his school.

In life, children will decide what they want when they are old enough to make those decisions. However, when they are young they expect a push in the right direction and that is what family is for. I don’t really have a conclusion but the choice lies on parents and how they would like to see their children grow. While we decide, we must take in to consideration that a child’s spirit can be broken by the little things that parents take for granted. Support is important.

Hlogi and Lebo in a baking contest! 

        
                                                      Chef ala Hlogi


















Chef ala Bokkie