What makes this man different?

Sybil...a lady with 13 personalities.

I was watching the movie Sybil. it’s about a woman who discovered she has at least 13 different personalities. She is basically insane, mentally disturbed. I then did some self-examination and concluded that I too have some personalities but the difference between Sybil and I is that I know of them and she didn’t. I think all of us have multiple personalities but don’t fall under the insanity branch. We react to different situations in different ways, meaning we don’t approach life the same way we did yesterday. We can cry now and then laugh seconds after that. We have the ability to change personalities just like that. The insane are similar to the sane; the difference is that the other group sees the others as insane.

Mafinzo with his green facial paint

Something triggered my mind from then. I am fascinated by mentally disturbed people, although I have agateophobia. Agateophobia is the fear of insane people. I would like to learn more on how they operate but I wouldn’t want to be in close contact with them. I am in a situation I can’t explain. I feel like they could do something bad to me and I can’t do anything about it because in their minds it’s possible that they’d think that what they were doing was sane and saw me as insane. What we deem as insane could be what they believe to be sane. 

Mafinzo with Silver facial paint

Most people from Kagiso know Mafinzo and we know him as the colourful insane citizen of our township. Mafinzo is a little different from us ….well maybe not a little different but more depending on how one sees him. He is regarded as crazy by the “normal” community, mostly because he wears differently and is fond of paint. He paints his head or face matching his shoes that look like they have a ball on top. His colours coordinate; the colour he paints on his head is the same colour he’ll paint on his shoes. His clothes are colourful and look like he enjoys the attention he gets when he walks on the streets. If you can have a conversation with him you can never tell whether he is insane or if he’s just playing with people, but then again he has been like this for years. Most of us like colour but we won’t do what he does because in our eyes, he is crazy. His “style or personality” is seen through colour. This if we put it in reality is what we call colour blocking. Everyone does it…He is passionate about colour and everyone who knows him will describe him as a colourful being. 

Mafinzo with white facial paint

I have also noticed that he talks to himself but that does no longer fit into the category of insanity. Most of us have found ourselves talking alone and immediately switching to a song when we realise that someone has seen us. I guess we the ‘sane people’ have similarities with ‘insane people’ we are just good at hiding it.  But then again, I guess insane people don’t switch their self-conversations with songs because in their world what they do is normal.

Colour blocking Mafinzo

So, what if we are all crazy but have not been diagnosed? What if insanity is the ultimate stage of freedom and we don’t know it? If I didn’t have fear of ‘insane’ people I’d probably be able to answer those questions by engaging with them. The main reason I am fascinated about them is that they do what they please and will never be questioned. Maybe for us (the ‘sane’) to achieve most things in life is to be like the ‘insane’. Live life freely, do what we want to do and don’t let anyone come between us and our goals. Who knows insanity might be the new sanity. 

Colour blocking facial paint.

First tattoo -exciting times!

It has always crossed my mind to get a tattoo but I couldn't get it because of fear of the unknown. My friend and I finally decided to get them after a long time of doubt. I was lucky to have had options when I went to the tattoo shop. The one I initially had in mind turned out to bore me and I went for the one I did. The sound of the machine just scared the hell out of me but I was never going to change my mind. It was one of the best experiences of my life...I'll probably do more...we'll see. 

My friend Kefilwe Moadi did a cute dove on her wrist and I did a ribbon on my back. The dove symbolizes her late brother Khutso meaning peace...she is in a state of peace and did the tattoo in remembrance of him.

Well as for me my ribbon symbolizes a lot of things but the one thing i want to share is that I've realized that I can't treasure my achievements in a box but the ribbon on my back is something that will represent the sealing of every achievement in a treasury box (my heart).

If it was possible I would tie them all and put them in a sacred place with beautiful glowing ribbons but I can't, so I've decided to have this as an alternative. I've achieved and I am on a journey to achieve more, therefore I have a sacred place stored with beautiful wrapped achievements that are yet to be discovered. Something has been ticked of my bucket list, this too shall be sealed with a beautiful ribbon and be stored. Such is life :-) and should be lived. 

I too hate rats!

Bloody Rat must have been saying, "Catch me if you can sucker!"

I’ve always wondered why people hated rats so much until I had my own experience last night. I got home from work and a rat had entered my room leaving traces of its journey everywhere. It ate my kid’s snacks and I was left in disbelieve. Having made peace with the whole idea of a rat eating my child’s food, I slept only to be wakened up by an irritating chowing sound and yes you’ve guessed it, it was that little rat eating something in my wardrobe.  I was too afraid to approach it. I removed some of the things that were possible ‘prey’ to the ‘predator rat’. As I closed the wardrobe it started again! My dad didn’t even entertain the situation. He probably has musophobia and wished I didn’t ask him to intervene and luckily for him I didn’t. I slept anyway after a long session of frustrating chowing sounds. I guess I’ll deal with the matter during the weekend. There goes my hatred for rats…mxm borex!

Kgololosego's Birthday

Today is a special day to me, particularly because it is Kgololosego's birthday. I met him when i was still in my teens and i look at him now and realise that we have come far as a young couple. I pray that we go even further.

Hlogi, Bokamoso & me (Paballo)

I sent him a special message at 12:00 am and he replied immediately, of course he was awake...i guess it happens to a lot of us on our birthday. We wait for the first message at 12:00 o'clock shap, then we'll see the others when we wake up in the morning. My nephew sang for him just before he left for school. I sent him a present at his work place but it hasn't been delivered yet. We will have a cake and party packs (Hlogi's request) later when i knock off from work. It is just going to be me, Bokamoso and Hlogi.  I think we have executed everything well, except for the delivery thing, we'll just have to wait and see.

I think every birthday needs a celebration even though the person is not there in person to celebrate it with us. This day is special because, even though Kgolo is far from us the vibe is there and we have a perfect excuse to eat cake!

The image i made for him. The Legend in the making.

I just wrote this as a safe keeping page of the image i made for him on this day.  He loves it and i am happy. Happy Birthday Kgololosego Phiri, we love you!

Drunk In Love

"Drunk In Love"
(feat. Jay-Z)

[Intro: Beyoncé]
I've been drinking, I've been drinking
I get filthy when that liquor get into me
I've been thinking, I've been thinking
Why can't I keep my fingers off it, baby?
I want you, na na
Why can't I keep my fingers off it, baby?
I want you, na na

[Verse 1: Beyoncé]
Cigars on ice, cigars on ice
Feeling like an animal with these cameras all in my grill
Flashing lights, flashing lights
You got me faded, faded, faded
Baby, I want you, na na
Can't keep your eyes off my fatty
Daddy, I want you, na na
Drunk in love, I want you

[Hook: Beyoncé]
We woke up in the kitchen saying,
"How the hell did this shit happen?"
Oh baby, drunk in love we be all night
Last thing I remember is our beautiful bodies grinding up in the club
Drunk in love

[Bridge: Beyoncé]
We be all night, love, love
We be all night, love, love

[Verse 2: Beyoncé]
We be all night,
And everything alright
No complaints from my body, so fluorescent under these lights
Boy, I'm drinking,
Park it in my lot 7-11
I'm rubbing on it, rub-rubbing, if you scared, call that reverend
Boy, I'm drinking, get my brain right
Armand de brignac, gangster wife
Louie sheets, he sweat it out like wash rags he wear it out
[Studio version:] Boy, I'm drinking, I'm singing on the mic to my boy toys
[Video/Live version:] Boy, I'm drinking, I'm singing on the mic til my voice hoarse
Then I fill the tub up halfway then ride it with my surfboard, surfboard, surfboard
Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood
I'm swerving on that, swerving, swerving on that big body
Been serving all this, swerve, surfing all in this good, good

[Hook]

[Bridge]

[Verse 3: Jay-Z]
(I'm nice right now)
Hold up
That D'USSÉ is the shit if I do say so myself
If I do say so myself, if I do say so myself
Hold up,
Stumbled all in the house time to back up all of that mouth
That you had all in the car, talking 'bout you the baddest bitch thus far
Talking 'bout you be repping that third, I wanna see all the shit that I heard
Know I sling Clint Eastwood, hope you can handle this curve
Foreplay in the foyer, fucked up my Warhol
Slip the panties right to the side
Ain't got the time to take draws off, on site
Catch a charge I might, beat the box up like Mike
In '97 I bite, I'm Ike, Turner, turn up
Baby no I don't play, now eat the cake, Anna Mae
Said, "Eat the cake, Anna Mae!"
I'm nice, for y'all to reach these heights you gonna need G3
4, 5, 6 flights, sleep tight
We sex again in the morning, your breastases is my breakfast
We going in, we be all night

[Bridge]

[Verse 4: Beyoncé]
Never tired, never tired
I been sipping, that's the only thing that's keeping me on fire, me on fire
Didn't mean to spill that liquor all on my attire
I've been drinking watermelon
I want your body right here, daddy I want you, right now
Can't keep your eyes off my fatty
Daddy I want you

[Bridge]

Bokamoso's life changing experience

Last week was my son's first week at crèche! I was very excited and proud as his mother to witness such a life changing experience. It felt so emotional thinking of his first cry, seconds after he was born. I shed a tear and thanked God for such a blessing. I didn't realize how quickly kids grow until I had my own. The first smile, the first tooth, the first crawl, the first step, the first words...all these first steps just shows how beautiful a child's life is. I look at him and I'm delighted by his beautiful smile and charisma.  e is the Future...so says his name, Bokamoso. His first day of crèche was the beginning of his beautiful, bright future. 

There are a few highlights of his first week at crèche. I must mention that he was very excited to wake up, bath, eat and wait for his transport to collect him. The first thing that lingered on his mind the first day from crèche, was the cow he saw at my nephew's school. He couldn't stop telling his dad about it, how he wanted to ride it and it being in a garage. The second thing or rather the person he spoke about was their transport and transporter, "Malome Thabiso". He is very fond of him and I'm glad because he doesn't hesitate to wake up and leave us. He even wakes up the minute he hears me run my bath. He's an early bird! We are all proud of him, mostly because we didn't expect him to be so excited about it and he has proved us wrong. 

When I say we, I mean me, Kgolo, my parents and his parents. We have all been very good parents to him. I don't want to take the credit for my son's upbringing because I didn't play mommy most of his infant life. In fact, Kgolo and I don't have any parenting experience whatsoever because we've had a very good support system. He worked far and I had to go back to school.  It has always been my parents who have taken care of him from when I had to go back to college a month after his birth, to the day I got my internship and then my current job. There was no break inbetween college and work. I don't really have the experience of true motherhood but I'm not complaining. I'm glad that I'm blessed with the ultimate support from my parents, my boyfriend, my close family and my boyfriend's parents. These people play the most important roles in my son's life and I must point out that his first day at crèche felt like one of the few days that I was really a mother to him. I prepared the whole thing and went there with him. His life has began and my life as the real mom has also began. 

Bokamoso's life has been a blessing and I want him to know when he's old enough to understand that he is a blessing from God and should appreciate what he has. We are preparing him for the world out there and we want him to enjoy the little things that we didn't have the previlige of enjoying growing up.   He has a beautiful, bright future ahead and should make wise choices! 

Enjoy it Bokkie!

Men issues!

“Black men could learn a lot from white men....family values, respect & love for their women, growth & commitment. Ya'll are still in the dark hey. #shame”

This is the status I had on Facebook. Boy it coursed a stir. I've opened a can of worms with it. However, I will never take back what I said because I wrote that status based on an experience and a status on Facebook that triggered my mind. This guy, black guy said, “Never try to impress a woman because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life!!!” I thought to myself, wow this is what normally happens in most of our relationships. A guy will make an impression, call you every day, send you sms’s, tell you he loves you and be there for you whenever you need him to….That is until he finally gets you as his girlfriend and then forgets about doing what he used to do before he got you. I’ve had that experience and he said, “Why must I call you every day?” the same guy who used to call three to four times a day when he wanted me. “Why should I tell you I love you, can’t you see I do?” he asked. The same guy, who really boasted about not being shy to tell his girl; he loves her unlike ‘these’ other guys. 

I expected the ladies to like that status because most of them know what I am talking about and I thought, the men who have a guilty conscience will comment and make it a racial issue and they did. I wasn’t talking about the history behind the black and white people but I was talking about what I have witnessed. These are the stories I have come across with my fellow African men:

Take a man with old kids, has been married for over 20 years and is respected by the community, mostly because he is a preacher of the word of God. He goes after young women at his church, and claims to be in love with them, then uses God’s word to his advantage by saying, “God said we should love one another. Therefore I love you” The same guy wants these things to be done underground, ”Please delete our chats.” He even gets very furious when any of the girls asks about his wife, something like. “Why do you want to do this to your wife?” He’ll answer, “Keep my wife out of this and don’t say anything to her.” 

Is this respect and love for his wife?

“We have a bright future together, I want to share it with no one but you.  We will raise our kids together with love, loyalty and respect. I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he claimed. Next thing you know, he had a baby with her and then denied to ever been in contact with a “slut” like her. After some time, he came back with money for an abortion. Took her to lunch, then said, “I can’t have this baby. I have a future to focus on. I hope you understand.” The same guy who promised to share a future with her.

Is this commitment and family value?

This guy, proposed to this lady. He promised to be there for her, stay faithful, run his family like a real man should and vowed that he will never cheat on her, like ‘these other selfish guys do’, he said. This guy after having a wedding of which he even wrote his own vows, and claimed, “I will never do you any wrong.” He then went after a younger lady he saw at their work’s Christmas party and wanted them to have a naughty thing going on. “I gave my wife marriage. Now it’s time to play” After doing those vows, he does the complete opposite of what he said he’ll do. "I am an MBA" (Married but Available) he'd tell young girls.

Do we call this respect and love for his woman?

This guy has been together with this lady since she was in high school. He was like the first official boyfriend and their love grew stronger. The lady avoided any fights, took the blame for his wrong doings and never tried to make him angry. She saw pictures of his ex on his phone. They took pictures together and she was searching for them. She never said anything. The guy then started a habit of not replying to her sms’s, her calls would be returned the following day. He would go to places and have fun with other women and his group of friends. She would always be left home. She was never introduced to any of his friends or family members. One day, she saw his chats and pictures of other women on his phone and laptop. He justified by saying, “you were not there when I was with the guys and they had women with them. I had to have someone” He then kept on denying most of the things he did to her.

Is this growth or set back in a relationship?

This was a good man to this lady. He did everything for her. Cleaned, transported her, cooked and showed love to her kids. There was no day when he didn’t tell her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. He was always around and very supportive. The only problem about him was that, he had a wife and kids at home, went to the city for a job and the job was the girlfriend he stayed with. She gave him money and found him a job.  A few months later of this love affair, the lady lost her job and the guy faded into thin air. Everything about him came out. He didn't love her, he loved her money.

Is this the man we want?

The list is endless… 

Don’t get me wrong fellow African men. I wasn’t saying white men are better than ya’ll. I just said you can learn a thing a two from them. I have seen committed white guys, who sacrifice a lot for their families and I’m not saying they don’t cheat or do wrong. They do, they are human after all but they value family very much which is what is important to me. I’m not dating a white guy, I am with a black man who has made mistakes and is learning from them. He is not perfect but values family that is important. Do not politicize this. It’s my opinion, deal with it.

Paballo's deal with it face