Paballo is no Superwoman – I was defeated

No Superwoman!

I have recently been through a serious introspection and I realised that I do not possess the power of a superwoman. I can’t achieve everything at once, I am no Oprah Winfrey with a money tree and i fall under a group of people who have to put in extra effort to get what they want. There is so much going on in my life at the moment and the pressure is escalating. 

I have been sent to do a course in Digital Marketing. I was happy to have been given an opportunity to elevate my island of knowledge with regards to my daily duties at work. I was really excited and loved that after every session I understood more than what I heard about it. It was the new thing that I so badly wanted to do and understand. Of course after the training, one’s knowledge needs to be tested and so I wrote the exam. It didn’t turn out as I envisioned it to be. The funny part is that I dreamt that I failed the test a week before I got the results and when I got them, I had really failed. So I thought to myself, “Bad dreams do come true too.”

I opened that email and the fail was written in red. I was disappointed I won’t lie and I still am. I told my HOD and he said to me, “Sometimes you need to taste the bad apple to know how a good apple tastes like.” That is true but at that moment my heart wanted to change those results, I didn’t want to taste that apple, it was too bitter for my liking. I needed some sort of celebration in my life especially this year but I couldn’t, not yet that is. It felt like a slap on the face, everyone knew I went on this course and now everyone will know what I failure I am. I am really disappointed. 

Good & bad apple

So, Paballo Seipei is no superwoman after all. This is what I concluded as I was sitting at home, torturing myself with thoughts of self-pity and disappointment. There are reasons why I failed and thank God there’s a second chance, otherwise I would be miserable for days. Now that I know what a bad apple tastes like, I don’t have any desire to taste it again. I hope and pray that whatever I am preparing for will turn out exactly as I expect it to. Maybe I needed to taste that apple to realise that I am really no superwoman, just a human who experiences certain life lessons, failure being one of them.

Opsy Coucchy - Beauty

Beauty

Beauty
Blonde hairs, blue eyes and bell shaped body
Is that what you call beauty?
Brown eyes, braided hairs and skinny body
Is that what you prefer?
Wait! Are these real beauties or just some burning youthful lust?
Sit and learn from the elders who have seen it all
Real Beauty transcends the physical
Real Beauty is rhetorical
Real Beauty corrodes like a chemical
Real Beauty eludes every racial barrier
It is that which makes you wonder
How sweet and splendid are you Beauty?

Opsy Coucchy

Esau and Jacob

I had a chat with my colleague the other day about the bible, specifically about the stories in the Old Testament. I was hooked by the manner in which she told these stories. It felt like she was talking about a story book that was read to me during my early childhood days.



Tessa Skerbinek (The story teller )and I (The listener)



 

Well, the conversation started when she asked me how Esau was pronounced, looking at a picture of someone with that name. Trying to come up with different pronunciations, she then asked me if I knew who Esau was in the bible. I thought hard and I had no idea who he was but she started telling the story anyway. She is such an appetizer, I couldn’t wait to get home and read it myself. I just learned that I didn’t know much about the bible and its stories. So, I read it that exact night.

 

Here’s what I know in a nutshell: Esau was a twin brother of Jacob. When their mother Rebekah was pregnant, God told her that the sons in her womb will become two nations. “From the beginning, the two nations will be rivals. One nation will be stronger than the other, and your older son will serve your younger son.”

Jacob grasping Esau's heel

When the twins were born, Esau was very red and hairy. His twin, Jacob was born with his hand grasping Esau’s heel. Isaac their father loved Esau and Rebekah loved Jacob. As time went by, Isaac became an old man and was turning blind. He called Esau and asked him to go hunting and then

prepare him his favourite meal. He wanted to give him blessings and Rebekah overheard the conversation.

 

Jacob and Esau

 

 

 

Rebekah then told Jacob what she had heard. So, she prepared Isaac’s favourite meal while Esau went hunting. She then gave Jacob Esau’s favourite clothes to wear. She covered his arms and neck with a skin of young goats. Jacob then took the food to his father. Isaac asked who it was and Jacob said he was Esau, but Isaac was a bit sceptical. He then asked him to come closer to feel him. Isaac said, “The voice is Jacob’s but the hands are Esau’s,” he continued to ask, “Are you really my son Esau?” Jacob replied, “Yes, I am.” As his last resort, Isaac asked his son to kiss him and Jacob did. He smelled like Esau and his father described the smell as “the smell of the outdoors.” He was finally convinced and blessed him.              

The story goes on and I can’t write everything I read. So, this is an opportunity for you to read it yourself, who knows, you might like it. I know I did...

A story is nice when it is told by someone else. Tessa had me appetized and I kind of enjoyed reading the story to myself. I remember telling her that kids would love bible stories if they were told as she did. From what I have read, I realised that stories in the Old Testament are very nice. We can relate to them as they were real life stories. I’m going to read another one tonightJ.

Family outing at Hlogi's school

Me and my babies! Hlogi & Bokkie
 

We went to a family fun day/ concert at Hlogi’s school on Saturday. I can’t explain how much fun I had at the school with my boys and sisi! As a mom and aunt I’m proud that I am as active as these little buddies of mine are. Well, not that active but I try. They really enjoy playing with me, mainly because I try to be on the same pace as theirs but my body is sore now, I can’t keep up with their stamina. I just like that when I play with them, a part of them feels like I am a friend and I really don’t mind. I benefit from it. It is an exercise for me.

My sisi, Bokkie and I. Picture taken by Hlogi

Family day proved to be very important to me because it brought back so many childhood memories. It is a special day to many children. It is a day that proves to them how committed a family is in their life. They know from then if they have a strong support system or if they don’t. There is nothing as sad as a family not pitching to any day when it is required to. I remember during my childhood days, if my family never came when they were required to, I would feel very disappointed. I would feel like they never cared for me or that they just didn’t see anything I do at school as important. I wondered and asked myself questions, one of them being: “how the hell could other families make time when my family could not.” It really bothered me and I can imagine what other kids go through when they are disappointed by their families.



You know the "peace pose" is the way to go



I understood from then how important a family’s presence is for Hlogi and how it is going to be for Bokkie when he goes to school. A child is a very sensitive being, his success and achievements are built on a family’s support. From what I saw on Saturday, I realised that the little things in life are very big to children. They need our support to build that confidence in them. If a family is not there to cheer for their child while playing a sport, who do they think should cheer on their behalf? These are the questions I asked myself. I could only imagine how sad and disappointed Hlogi would be if we didn’t go with him to his school.

In life, children will decide what they want when they are old enough to make those decisions. However, when they are young they expect a push in the right direction and that is what family is for. I don’t really have a conclusion but the choice lies on parents and how they would like to see their children grow. While we decide, we must take in to consideration that a child’s spirit can be broken by the little things that parents take for granted. Support is important.

Hlogi and Lebo in a baking contest! 

        
                                                      Chef ala Hlogi


















Chef ala Bokkie

We can never have the ultimate satisfaction

I was watching the movie Jerusalem last night. I must say, it is my favourite South African movie. I just can't get enough of it. The script is beautifully written and touches on the real issues of life. As I was watching the movie, there's a scene where a white lady is looking for her drug addicted brother who was with a Nigerian drug lord in Hillbrow. Now, Hillbrow is one of the dangerous places in Joburg. It is the “Gangster’s paradise”.

This guy looks like he has everything at home but keeps going to Hillbrow, where his “Happiness” seems to lie. He gets high on drugs and gets missing, leaving the family especially the sister with stress. He was then taken back by Lucky, the main character of the movie. I was captured by the lady's response to Lucky's question when he asked, "What's wrong with you white people? You live in big houses....and, and, and" I can't remember all that he said but the lady answered, "I guess when you rich, poverty becomes glamorous."

The reality clock stopped for a bit. I had to think long and hard over what that lady meant. I was really moved by her response. I mean there's no better way of explaining what she said, it is definitely on point. She meant exactly what most people feel on their everyday life! I sometimes do too. We look at our lives and we are never satisfied.

We can never be fulfilled by what we have. Everything that we are not in possession of becomes glamorous. It might be a “better” car, house, job,  someone's significant other....if we don't have it we see it as glamorous, something that we would like for ourselves.

What I concluded with though is that in life we can have all the money in the world but remain unsatisfied. It is not because we are not blessed or that we can't have everything we want. It is rather because; life doesn't have the ultimate satisfaction. The rich look at the poor and they see what the poor don't, which can be 'satisfactory' to them. The same goes for the poor, they yearn to have a share of that richness in their lives and they think it will make them happier than they are. Satisfaction at the end of it all will never fulfilled.

 

My second mother’s day as a mother

It has occurred to me a couple of times that I am a blessed mother. I am surrounded by a structure of strong women in life. I am a mother to a son who has more than one grandmother and that makes me happy.

I didn’t have the privilege of meeting both my grandmothers when I was born. It bothered me at times to learn that I could never have the experience of a ‘grandmother presence’ in my lifetime. As I grew up I realised that my mother was old and that at times she played a role of mother and of a grandmother.

This is my second year as a mother and I dedicate this mother’s day to my mother. She is more of a mother to my son than I am to him. I fell pregnant while I was in college and my family; especially my mother supported me throughout. She took care of my son from the first day I went back to school. She has been my strength to all my weaknesses and I am a woman today through her motherly contributions. I love and admire her dearly. Happy mother’s day to her! God bless and keep her for us, in Jesus name, Amen.

To all the mothers in my life happy mother’s day. I love you all. A special dedication though goes to the following women:

Lydia Lebesa: My aunt and my friend! You have been all a daughter/niece needs. Most people know you as my biological mother but you are more than that to me. We have shared most experiences together and that has made our love for each other strong. We have travelled and seen it all. Your love and sacrifices have kept me going during difficult times. You have been good to me and I appreciate your love and support. May God bless you abundantly. Remember,  don’t give up on yourself even though it may be hard. Gift Lebesa needs you more. Stay as strong as you are and God will reward you for it.

Lebohang Lebesa: My sister! You and I have always shared the same dreams. We loved the same things growing up. Success is one of them. You gave birth to a beautiful son who I love so much. I take him as my own. I have mothered him and he trusts me to that level.  To you on this day I pray to God that he blesses you with all that you hope and wish for especially for Hlogi. Pray for him daily for he needs your prayers. He will grow up and make his own decisions, may they be guided by God. Stay as beautiful as you are. God bless you and always remember that my love for you will never change.

                                                                              

Promise to find a picture of her

Sonia Phiri: The woman who gave birth to the man I love. I thank you on this day for being a strong and beautiful woman you are. Being a mother to the father of my son is a blessing. He has inherited certain characteristics from you that I am proud of and admire. Respect is the one that stand out for me. Being a grandmother to my son is an even more blessing. You have been there from Bokamoso’s first day. I thank you so much. May God bless and keep you for many more years to come.

 

 

In conclusion, a mother is a mother to all children. Her love is always beautiful. Happy mother’s day to all you beautiful mothers in the world. Stay blessed with this beautiful scripture of love: Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not jealous, is not proud, is not conceited, does not act foolishly, is not selfish, is not easily provoked to anger, keeps no record of wrongs, takes no pleasure in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth, love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7.

To Pawe with love

I have mentioned a couple of times that Pawe is my dad who came back from the dead. And NO! Not literally. He did not die but my biological father did. Pawe “replaced” my father a year after his death. I must say I am glad that my father died earlier than later…don’t get me wrong I am not happy about the fact that he died when I was young and I wish i could have known him better. What I am saying is that his death was never tragic to me because I did not understand much at that time. But I believe that my father came back in a form of Pawe.

Pawe and I knew each other long before my mom knew him. He came to our cleansing ceremony with our distant relatives and I must say I was happy to see him. We spoke for a bit and my mom was surprised to where I have met him but I eventually told her, just to quench the curiosity in her mind. They both liked each other and I guess that is why they are together till this day. Enough with their love story!

The reason I am writing this blog is because it is Pawe’s birthday and I just wanted to tell the world how much I appreciate him in my life. He has been around for as long as I can remember. I have most memories with him than I had with my biological father. God has been so good to me and I am blessed to have Pawe as my father and as a grandfather to my son. By the way, they are best friends forever. Wherever he is, there will  Bokamoso be. Happy Birthday to him. May he stay as he is until Bokamoso’s memory box is able to capture all the moments they have together.

God bless him Amen!