You only need 15 minutes - Say Yes - Shonda Rhimes

I see myself in Shoda Rhimes. I see myself in a lot of women and I have a disease of self-double which I try to fight every day. It creeps in most of the time nd I battle with it very much. But, today I found a solution. Its called 15 minutes to listen to yourself. I've listened to Shonda Rhime's TED Talk before but as I listen to it again today, I realise that I was listening but didn't really hear what she was saying.

I listen to a lot of motivational talks and I like to write about them because they make a huge difference in my life. My approach in life changes daily. As I was listening to this TED Talk today I hear half of the talk and start writing this blog. I'm listening and I say to myself, "I need that hum she's talking about." She has a spiritual space she goes to when she works and its God whispering to her she says during that time of spirituality. I know anyone can get a hum but how? Where do I get the hum from? I also want to say about my work, "When I am hard at work, when I am deep in it, there is no other feeling." I need that hum.

And later when she explains what a hum is. I'm like but I have that hum, I just need to access it. She says the real hum is love. The real hum is joy. I was enlightened at that moment, I got goose bums as I thought to myself, "I have love surrounding me. What do I want?"  I just came to a conclusion that you can have love but the important thing about love is how best you use it to give you joy, the real hum.

Shonda says, to get to the real hum you must have an uninterrupted time with your loved ones. Go to a place that feels good in your life. The hum only takes 15 minutes.
I only need 15 minutes to give time to myself and another 15 minutes to my son, and another to my family. Ok, its a lot of 15 minutes but it's going to make a difference. I'm am starting today. I'm going to dedicate 15 minutes to myself, I too want to be intouch with the spiritual realm and I can only do that when I listen. I need to hear the Most High's whispers.

I'm sad - I didn't get the scholarship

I just wanted to cry after I had received this email. I applied for a scholarship to study Performance and Theatre at Wits University. So, this has always been my dream to study drama and graduate at a university. I wanted to study something I love and I thought this was my second chance in life to do this. I could've studied just after matric but my results were not good enough for a university entrance. I thought this was made for me. I applied, I went for an audition and I did great. But as I thought about what would happen when I got the scholarship, I kinda didn't want it yet. I thought I needed to sort out my finances first and then get an acting job to pay the bills. I then thought, no God will provide. I had mixed emotions about the whole thing. I really wanted this scholarship, on the other hand, I wanted to do drama part time so that I could take care of my family with the money I earn. I think I might have jinxed it for myself, I don't know. I just believe in the law of attraction and I believe I attracted this disappointing email with my thoughts. I'm just sad.

Life's meaning

Sometimes we search for meaning in our lives and find ourselves miserable at the fact that we don't even really know the answer to that question. We don't know what our purpose is in life. What do we want here? We study, work and in most cases think our jobs are our passion. Because a job paid the bill we are enclosed in that notion and don't realise that we can achieve greatness. The companies we work for, were also ideas at some point. We always have a voice telling reminding us about our love for something, for me its performing arts and each day something says to me "You are a performer, when are you going to follow that?" "But I can't" I answer.  "I earn a salary, I have things to pay, if I leave my job and pursue this, how will I survive?" I wonder. You see...by just that thinking that, I have already blocked myself.

We postpone our dreams and then later, just when we are about to die we regret not taking risks to do what we really wanted to do. I am that one person who knows that I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I have doubts and I'm dependent on my job that I can't just leave. But you know...doubt is the enemy of progress...trust me.

The reason I am writing this blog is that I saw this lady Phindi Mtyingizane and I thought WOW! Power to natural beauty, power to women empowerment, power to such shows and power to doing what empowers individuals. I'm just inspired.

I don't watch TV as much as I used to since my son took over...So, when I saw 100% Youth on SABC 1 I just felt touched in the heart. Every time I watch the show a question pops out of my mind..."What are you doing?" I am capable and I see these young brilliant people doing these amazing things and I think to myself. "Nothing, I'm just employed" I was inspired to do something for myself. I set a goal and its deadline. Should I not do it the I'm useless and should never write anything about doing something for myself.
The message I got from that episode was that God gave up gifts and talents and what we do with them is up to us.

What are you doing?