God is my motherly instinct

My son chocked on Sunday during a church service! Lord I have never realised how much I value having him in my life until that moment. I was so terrified and saw my life shatter in a blink of an eye. I felt like something so great was being taken away from me, but my God said to me, “This is not the time or place for sorrow...”

So, some youth member we were sitting next to gave him a hard candy and my motherly instinct came to life at that moment but I ignored it. It had told me to break the candy into small pieces to avoid any unfortunate situation but I didn’t! I think about it and constantly punish myself, asking why I hadn’t followed that instinct.

As I reached down to my bag taking out my bible, Bokamoso pulled my jersey. He was choking and his eyes were filled with terror! It’s amazing how even young people get afraid of death, it is a painful experience (although he didn’t die but was close). He had something sweet stuck in this throat but wasn’t sweet anymore. I think it is safe to say that it was a bitter-sweet moment.

So I pulled him, rested him on my lap hoping that he’d cough it out. He doesn’t know how to talk and I couldn’t tell him to cough. That moment felt like a year of battle. I had him struggling on my lap, trying so hard to shake it out, my mind running wild with crazy thoughts. Thinking, the family would blame me for his death and I’d be labeled an irresponsible mother, “You hardly go with him to church, why did you take him with this time?”, “If you had taken the candy away, he wouldn’t have been dead?” The thoughts were just unbearable. I then gave him a slap on the back, screaming out loud but no one heard my cry because they were also singing out loud. Just when I wanted to literally stop the service and call for help, the candy came out! He cried loudly and I knew he was ok.

God would never let me suffer (I convinced myself), because I know people would talk but my motherly instinct would haunt me more saying, “I told you”!  The small prayer I gave during that struggle was proof that God is with us at all times. He told me before about the situation and I ignored Him. He was just giving me a lesson never to be forgotten. Whenever my motherly instinct kicks in, I know that God is talking to me.