“Black men could learn a
lot from white men....family values, respect & love for their women, growth
& commitment. Ya'll are still in the dark hey. #shame”
This is the status I had on Facebook. Boy it coursed a stir. I've opened a can of worms with it. However, I will never take back what I said
because I wrote that status based on an experience and a status on Facebook
that triggered my mind. This guy, black guy said, “Never try to impress a woman because if you do she'll expect you to keep
up the standard for the rest of your life!!!” I thought to myself, wow this is what normally happens in
most of our relationships. A guy will make an impression, call you every day,
send you sms’s, tell you he loves you and be there for you whenever you need
him to….That is until he finally gets you as his girlfriend and then forgets
about doing what he used to do before he got you. I’ve had that experience and
he said, “Why must I call you every day?” the same guy who used to call three
to four times a day when he wanted me. “Why should I tell you I love you, can’t
you see I do?” he asked. The same guy, who really boasted about not being shy to tell his girl; he loves her unlike ‘these’ other guys.
I expected the ladies to like that
status because most of them know what I am talking about and I thought, the men
who have a guilty conscience will comment and make it a racial issue and they
did. I wasn’t talking about the history behind the black and white people but I
was talking about what I have witnessed. These are the stories I have come across
with my fellow African men:
Take a man with old kids, has been
married for over 20 years and is respected by the community, mostly because he
is a preacher of the word of God. He goes after young women at his church, and
claims to be in love with them, then uses God’s word to his advantage by
saying, “God said we should love one another. Therefore I love you” The same
guy wants these things to be done underground, ”Please delete our chats.” He
even gets very furious when any of the girls asks about his wife, something like.
“Why do you want to do this to your wife?” He’ll answer, “Keep my wife out of
this and don’t say anything to her.”
Is
this respect and love for his wife?
“We have a bright future together, I want to share it with no
one but you. We will raise our kids
together with love, loyalty and respect. I want to spend the rest of my life
with you,” he claimed. Next thing you know, he had a baby with her and then denied
to ever been in contact with a “slut” like her. After some time, he came back
with money for an abortion. Took her to lunch, then said, “I can’t have this
baby. I have a future to focus on. I hope you understand.” The same guy who
promised to share a future with her.
Is this commitment and
family value?
This guy, proposed to this lady. He promised to be there for
her, stay faithful, run his family like a real man should and vowed that he
will never cheat on her, like ‘these other selfish guys do’, he said. This guy
after having a wedding of which he even wrote his own vows, and claimed, “I
will never do you any wrong.” He then went after a younger lady he saw at their
work’s Christmas party and wanted them to have a naughty thing going on. “I
gave my wife marriage. Now it’s time to play” After doing those vows, he does
the complete opposite of what he said he’ll do. "I am an MBA" (Married but Available) he'd tell young girls.
Do we call this respect
and love for his woman?
This guy has been together with this lady since she was in high
school. He was like the first official boyfriend and their love grew stronger.
The lady avoided any fights, took the blame for his wrong doings and never
tried to make him angry. She saw pictures of his ex on his phone. They took
pictures together and she was searching for them. She never said anything. The
guy then started a habit of not replying to her sms’s, her calls would be
returned the following day. He would go to places and have fun with other women
and his group of friends. She would always be left home. She was never
introduced to any of his friends or family members. One day, she saw his chats
and pictures of other women on his phone and laptop. He justified by saying, “you
were not there when I was with the guys and they had women with them. I had to
have someone” He then kept on denying most of the things he did to her.
Is this growth or set
back in a relationship?
This was a good man to this lady. He did everything for her.
Cleaned, transported her, cooked and showed love to her kids. There was no day
when he didn’t tell her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. He was
always around and very supportive. The only problem about him was that, he had a
wife and kids at home, went to the city for a job and the job was the
girlfriend he stayed with. She gave him money and found him a job. A few months later of this love affair, the
lady lost her job and the guy faded into thin air. Everything about him came out. He didn't love her, he loved her money.
Is this the man we want?
The list is endless…
Don’t get me wrong fellow African men.
I wasn’t saying white men are better than ya’ll. I just said you can learn a
thing a two from them. I have seen committed white guys, who sacrifice a lot
for their families and I’m not saying they don’t cheat or do wrong. They do,
they are human after all but they value family very much which is what is
important to me. I’m not dating a white guy, I am with a black man who has made
mistakes and is learning from them. He is not perfect but values family that is
important. Do not politicize this. It’s my opinion, deal with it.
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| Paballo's deal with it face |
